Utter madness...

I won't go into detail but we have some major decisions to make...including Lee quitting his job and me finding a contingent job to make up for the income loss. This is hard for both of us. Lots of reasons why but like I said no details. Its too personal. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we could use the extra thoughts and prayers!!

June 10, 1945...

Today is my moms birthday. I miss her a lot today. She would have been 66. If you look at my facebook badge on the blog that is her last birthday with us here. We were told on June 9, 2009 that she was going to die it was just a matter of time...meaning within the next few weeks. Her heart was just not strong enough to fight any more. The only thing that would save her was a transplant...well she wasn't strong enough for a transplant either, so we got them to release her from the hospital after much complaining. She had one Dr that kept saying lets see what Dr Crawford says. After hearing that for like the 100th day...ok it wasn't 100 days but it sure felt like that. My dad finally got a hold of Dr. Crawford after talking to the patient advocate and she said that she talked to all her Cardiologist friends and no one was willing to even consider looking at her. We all knew that was the answer because her family Dr was very straight forward with us. So Saturday June 13th she came home. She was fine until Tuesday...she just went down hill. We got her signed into hospice and got all the stuff we needed. That was a rough day. She was in so much pain that it was heart breaking. Well we took shifts watching her and looking for any changes. Our friend (my sisters mother in law) took a turn through the night so we could try to rest. That was Wednesday...Tuesday night my dad stayed with her. At about 11:00 pm Wednesday my phone rang. It was Cathy she said she noticed a breathing pattern change and she thought we should all be there. Lee stayed home with the kids so they could sleep and not be so crabby with mommy not getting any sleep. We all take the time to sit by her side and talk with her. As the day went on we could see she was having more pain so we called the hospice group back and the nurse came out and said yes give her more meds and it should just be a matter of time based off her breathing pattern. Lee keep the kids away for most of the day helping my dad get the paperwork at the cemetery done. We had traded our grave plots for money we owned my dad a few years earlier when mom was really sick and we were told she would only live 6 weeks!! (It was actually 5 years that she lived). Lee had the kids go to daycare for the day. He helped dad with the paperwork and was headed to get the kids when I called him and said she was gone. I actually did not say the words but he know why I was calling. My dad was picking out her casket at the funeral parlor/home! He came home and we all cried and said our goodbyes and waited for her to be picked up. Where we live if a person dies at home while in hospice the police come and wait at the house until the body is picked up. It was about an hour total but it felt like forever. The kids came in and said their goodbyes...I don't remembe Rachele crying but Lee said she cried in the car on the way over from daycare. It was very upsetting to me not to see her cry because on the Monday before Lee's mom passed and she was balling her eyes out like I have never seen before. Any way mom had a great last rights reading on Wednesday, it was odd because she had not done anything or said anything for about 24 hours, she started saying the words to the Father that came...she even told us she wanted us to be happy. My parents are Catholic so we did not ask anyone if they wanted Lee to do anything with his priesthood. I'm not sure how receptive they are to our being Mormon. So that is my stroy for the day. Sorry so long and sad. I was able to not cry while typing it!!!

Is it over yet???

That is the ever lasting question at my house...we still have a week of school left. We start later (after Labor Day) and we have a few cushion days for snow...so we get out June 15. Rachele is so ready because she hates going to bed at 830 becasue it is still daylight out! I can only imagine what my nephew is going through in Alaska since they have hit the 24 hours of daylight!!! I don't feel very bloggy here lately so if I don't comment don't take it personal. I am checking them. I just don't feel it. I think it has to do with the extra stress of the move and new JOB!!!